Pain

I think Jesus death on the cross was not by far the most excruciating physical pain. I think it is possible that throughout the ages man has been able to conjure moments and mechanics of torture to inflict pain much more than that on the cross. What makes me weep is this, that the Son took it on Himself to die for an ungrateful species. What pain it must have been to know, that while He prayed in Gethsemane, He would be denied already three times. That He will be given over by a kiss. That while He was being nailed to the cross, with the crown of thorns on His head and His back ripped to the bone, that when He spent His last, mulititudes that He was dying for wouldn't care less.

Fear

I think my biggest fear is not that i am inadequate. Not that I am able to change this world or the people around me simply by my actions. I acknowledge that i as an individual am powerful. My mind perceives and sets the rest of my body in to motion, where i become this creative force that is driven to acomplish great things. What then is my biggest fear? What then should i be afreaid of in this world?

The statements above are the reflections of my mind. I have acknowledged that within me holds the power to accomplish great things. These milestones would be the product of my mind as an entity and the body as its co-entity. I don't say this haughtily. Please do not misunderstand me when i say these things. They aren't the braggings of a delusional mind. No, I say this because this is what God created us to be. We are extremely efficient organisms, designed, honed, crafted. Made with the very hands of God. Why then am i still fearful?

Fearful? you ask. Fearful of what?

This is the fear i speak of. The fear that we have no purpose. No function to justify our so called lives. Don't we all fear this is? That not only are we not a cog in this whole cosmic clockwork of wheels and pulleys, but even if we are we do not know our commision, the contribtion of our very existence. It is this very trepidation, that begins to mold our characters, the quirks and the fancies.

Think about it. All our actions and more importantly reactions are defence mechanisms that are directly linked to the concern. We haste ourselves in finding a purpose. An objective in life. A girlfriend, a boyfriend, a career, an attitude, a ministry, something, anything that would help define or create the illusion of who we are. Because like it or not. No one really wants to admit we are lost.

You would be suprised, even the most steadfast of you reading this article will have the seed of this thought lingering somewhere along the fringes of your conciousness. It is not a doubt of the enemy. Not some devious philosophical atheistic question that the devil conjures up to destroy your already dwindling self esteem. I don't know about you, but this is the question that has a permanent residence in my brain.

It is where my intellect challenges my spirit man. When i try to decipher the point of my life, I find myself faced with, i guess propoganda that has somehow been subliminally waved into my cognizant ever absorbing mind. Then i ask myself, if this pupose of my life that I have deemed to accept, society's expectations or is it truly mine? How can i be expected to fulfil a purpose that has been assigned for me if its designation was by society and not by my Creator?

My greatest fear is not being able to see personally the specified purpose that God has allocated to me. My greatest fear is I will continue to acknowledge a goal that has been a generally dispensed purpose. I refuse to continue living an unfinished tale. Jumping on the bandwagon of the church, or family or friends. No. I want to eliminate the fear. To cut it all down to basics. And to experience first hand what God has purposed for me. Because, He does have a purpose for me. Then I will fear no more.

Jesus Ain't Yer Homeboy!

I've seen this t-shirt at a boutique in Heeren that had print of the face of Jesus with the caption "JESUS IS MY HOMEBOY". My first thought was actually, hey now that's a cool t-shirt. A fleeting thought and then my mind was once again filled with the distractions of racket of the crowd surrounding me.

A few days later, the caption still had an uneasy grip on the inside of my head. Logical rational that dictates most of my mind couldn't view that caption as something that would bring our Lord to be approachable. I mean think about it, in nearly every youth rally, concert, praise and worship or sevice that i attended as a youth (and mind you I still am, wipe that smirk off), every pastor, minister, leader would tell you "Hey, who wants Jesus as your best friend. say YEAH!". And if you keep on listening to that message over and over again, it gets drummed in to your system, the conscience. At the time that message that in retrospect feels almost like a marketing gimmick, was everywhere. They even wrote a song about it. Don't get me wrong, I believe that their message would have been Holy Spirit inspired. But somewhere along the line the message got misinterpreted.

And so with that kind of input that constantly circulated the local airwaves, I think i developed the notion that indeed God was my friend. That He was approachable the way we would approach our closest friends. The casualness that came with familiarity. But one day it HIT me. Who is it we are calling best friend again? Jesus? The ONE who temporarily lapsed the godhood to become a man and then die for the very creation that He breathed life into. He is God. Who are we?

We fail to forget the kind of relationship that God had planned for us from the very inception of mankind. We were designed for companionship. To walk with God, to share His glory and majesty, his love and passion. But at the same time to know deep within our spirit that He is God, the author of all things. Along the way we confused the sense of companionship with our common relationships with people. We cannot mistake carnal relationships with the divine.

He is our God. Not an everyday being that will flit in and out of our lives. He is our God. The maker that molded the sinapses that snap electric pulses surging through our bodies enabling us to live. He is our God. The One that gives us the very reason to live, the purpose, the mission. He is our God. Jesus ain't my homeboy. He is my God.

Focus

There is this pond not a stone's throw from the restaurant i work in, and when we have the time to spare some of us take a bag of stale bread down to it to feed fish. A bit of a breather from the very hectic environment of the kitchen. There is this almost calming effect you get when you step out of a hot, adrenalined filled kitchen and just go feed fish. The pond has a lot of fish, hordes of koi and heaven knows what else that traverse the murky depths. Ok so i might be be blowing the depths part a little out of proportion. But the point is there a lot of fish. When you throw in bits of bread into the water one by one the aquatic cold-blooded vertabrae will find itself to the spot where you are tossing in treats. I mean it sure beats having to actually work for your food. Soon the entire portion of the pond will be mobbed with squabbling fish trying to get a bite of your left over bread. Entertaining.

I often find my walk with God like those fish. And i dont mean that in a good sense. You see, if you could imagine feeding those masses of fish crumbs, you would see them flip-flopping all over the place for a morsel. They seldom stay focus and grab whatever that seems within arms, wait, they don't have arms, well within the reach of their maws. Thrashing here and there till they get something then return to the watery depths only to come back and scamper with one another all over again. Ofttimes i find myself just scampering for everything in sight that seems good. The thing is that every distraction causes me to turn and to chase it fervently. And when i finaly have it, it satisfies me for awhile.When it has tickled my fancy enough, i'm right back in the fray scuttering for my next cheap thrill. My problem? The lack of or in some instances the absence of focus.

I have spent so much of my energy and time chasing the things that never matter. The appreciation of friends, youth rallies, clubs, the works. Cheap thrills. Did it satisfy me? For awhile, perhaps. Enough for me to know that this is not what i want. What really hurt me, was that my walk with God dwindled. It became lukewarm, and that's being generous.

In these past months, i've had the liberty of talking with a few significant old friends. Most admit that they aren't quite sure where their jouneys with God are. They remain stagnant. Neither progressing or regressing. They know that it isn't right, for being static with God is in fact regression. What happened? Priorities. Distractions of life take precedence over what really matters; seeking and resting in the presence of God. Work, studies, play time, all are necessities. So instead of allowing these ciscumstances to commandeer our lives, shouldn't we focus on the One who ables us to participate in these activities.

Peter stepped out of the boat, when he saw Jesus walk on the water. And he stayed steady while he focused on Him. The moment he got distracted, he began to sink into the very distractions he feared. It's all about focus. The bible talks of us running the race. How do you expect to run a race without focusing on the finish line and what lies beyond it.

When He takes precedence in our lives, everything else falls into place. There is a clarity in everything that we do. Confusion is diminished. Because we know what is expected of us and we trust God will provide the doors and oppurtunities that allow us to walk in His light. We will know what needs to be done and how it should be done, avoiding the whole painstaking process of being muddled up and distraught. Confusion brings uneasiness, uneasiness begats stress, and stress evolves into depression. Am i painting a happy picture?

Who We Are Instead

It has taken me a long time to realise this. The outside world really couldn't care less who we are. The hard and solid actuality of our humanity. Deep down in our essence, we know this to be true. I boldly suppose that is why we strive so hard to make an impact on everyone around us. So that they may have some knowledge on who we are by the way that we present of ourselves. i have personally taken many pains in my past to alter who I was/am to become the people I want to impress. For acceptance? Maybe. Or it could be that undeniable longing in our souls to mean something to someone. To have significance in this cosmic cacophony of existence.

With such expedience, we forget God, who already made us special, who has already made us significant. I know, I know this is a child's lesson. But i feel there is an urgency for us to learn or rather relearn the value of this lesson. We were indeed made and crafted unique on to our own. Why then must we strife to highlight that truth by offering a person that is not us. Are you catching what i'm trying to say? We look to the world to accept us as someone special, we conform to their rules and expectations in order to fit in. As an equal reaction to that action we sacrifice the rules and expectations of the One who already knows we are special. Why must we be idiots.

Jesus, performed, no, i don't think performed quite cuts it. Jesus orchestrated His first miracle at Cana at a wedding. He used ordinary jars of clay. Insignificant, ordinary, standard, typical and any other word that would refer to something uninspired. But he saw those jars of clay with its unque capability of being the vessel that would bear first class wine. All the world sees in us are just those jars of clay. Ordinary, mediocre vessels. But God sees more.

So seriously folks, sometimes we are just barking up the wrong tree. He fills us with quality wine, while everyone out there just wants to take away what little water we already have. So if you're reading this, and being significant means a lot to you, check where you're looking for the attention. Because I know Someone who's really dying for yours.

SELF-centered

It's amazing how self centered the human race is. What annoys me the most, especially, are the ones that should personally know the Grace and Magnifincence of God. How is possible that we who know of who our God is can be so callous to the reverence of His presence. What seperates us from the world? More often than not, nothing.

A thought struck me today at church. How is it possible that we can come to the house of God, sometimes late, sometimes unfocused and sometimes for reasons other than to encounter His presence, yet we demand an audience from Him? Imagine you've invited someone to your house for a chat. And he comes late, dressed in his jammies, only to play your PS2 and then demands that you entertain him. Sounds already like most of us i know. But how would you feel?

Despite all that, we find the audacity to laeve early to conform to the human program. Skipping that moment at the altars where out of the entire human church program we have that oppurtunity to soak in His presence, just so we may get a headstart at the car park.

It is amazing God considers us His children, it is by His grace that He does not cut us off, when we get angry that He doesnt respond to us, when we don't "feel" His presence. Why should He?

It's as though we were strangers. Do we come to church to ride the emotional see-saw or to face Him, or to encounter the face of God. Do we and God speak the same language. Do we hope and pray that we will be able to bring home something tangible to the spirit man. So that we may treasure the encounter, but even more, that we may truly hunger and thirst and and desire for more, for so much more.

Odd isnt't it, were we made for Him or He for us?

I guess it does come to a point where there are just so many things in this life that needs sharing. And yes, yes i know I have in the most recent past put down the very action of web logging as a desperate cry for attention, an outlet for otherwise mundane people to express themselves to attract the interests of the masses. How could I not with atrocious sites like whatiateforsupper.com, didbritneygetalipo.net or even howlongcanyoustoretomatoesinthefridge.org. But you know what, I guess I have a desperate cry. I do, we are ordinary people. And we live in this world which needs extraordinary things. What shall we do then?

Ordinary People can only do 2 things, one unceasing prayer, the kind of prayer that is persistent, unfailing, regular and only to the one God in our lives. The second, would be the reason I find myself indulging in this is that us Ordinary People need to edify and encourage one another. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Therefore, what we learn, what we experience in the Lord serve as testimonies that encourage and edify.

There has been so much I have learned, and though I have often shared it with a significant few, I guess its time to share with now, the significant mass. God has so much planned for me that I'm so excited. So, here I am.